Meeting your Russian Lady for the First TIme
No matter how fraudulent and inefficient the industry maybe, they have perfected one thing – “marketing”. Marriage agencies have gone to great lengths to present an image of beautiful, feminine, marriage-minded and desperate women who will do anything to marry a foreigner and leave the country. Some agencies use threats to ensure their female clients present this image to men. Much time and effort is spent extolling the homely virtues of a Russian women who can easily be swept of her feet. In fact, this is made to seem so easy that many men believe if they merely arrive in Russia with any old clothing and attitude, they can marry any women they desire.
This is true to some extent, but there is a caveat. If a woman marries you even though it is plainly clear you did not take the time to prepare for her, what does that tell you about the woman? While we in no way want you to go out and buy a new wardrobe, we do recommend you try the following.
Before meeting the lady, you should already know something about her. What colours she likes, what kind of clothing, what styles and textures. If you are arriving at Moscow’s Domodedovo, it is maybe better if you decide to meet her after you have had time to freshen up in the hotel. However you need to judge this one. Meeting inn the airport can be romantic.
So you have arrived in the hotel. It is courtesy to call her and let her know you have arrived safely. Now get some rest and prepare for the next day. If you do not know the city well, you may agree to meet in the hotel. It is very important that you set the right tone for your relationship by acting appropriately the first time you meet. Forget everything else you have read about Russian women. If you follow the advice we give you here, we will be content in just knowing that we have started a wonderful relationship.
Make sure you are dressed neatly and appropriately. We have a section in our website called “From another side”. In this section we write what Russian newspapers and media say about foreign men. Not surprisingly, many women are shocked that men arrive so shoddily when they meet. Many women are immediately turned-off if a man has not taken the time to prepare even a little for the trip. So we recommend you dress up and well. You do not have to spend much money, just take the time to look good.
Buy some flowers for her – not yellow roses because this is a bad sign. Do not define the relationship by expensive gifts or perfumes. Just show your love for her in your actions. Your actions count for more than anything you could buy for her. Always be courteous and gentlemanly towards her and others. If she does not understand English learn some Russian phrases just to put her at ease. Nothing destroys a romantic meeting more than a translator present. Later during the day you can involve a translator. After giving her the flowers, lightly kiss her on the cheek. Kissing on the mouth may seem too forward at this time. There is a big difference between a woman who has met a foreign man before and one who has not. If this is her first meeting with a foreign man, she will be very confused and usually not herself. You need to accommodate this and give her time to adjust. Only after she adjusts will you see her real behaviour.
It may be a good idea to just go for a small walk and enjoy each others company. If she does not understand English the walk will have to be small so as not to have too many moments of silence. However there is still much you can do to impress during this walk. By showing attention to her actions and movements you will show you care. When you arrive at the restaurant, and your interpreter arrives try to keep the conversation general and not too heavy. Give the lady a chance to unwind and become comfortable. In fact the first should just be an ice-breaker. We do not recommend making it a ritual. Most men use this first meeting as an opportunity to find out if they should pursue the relationship. Do not do this. The lady will have her guard on during this meeting, and with the presence of the interpreter the environment is even more artificial. Things to talk about include your trip, something topical like what’s happening with her family and even something about you.
End the brief coffee, lunch or dinner by taking a walk back to your hotel. Try not to do this with the interpreter. Many men dislike awkward silences yet there is much you can do. I know of one client who spoke with so much emotion and action, his lady just enjoyed watching him, even though she did not understand any English. When you arrive at the hotel, thank her for the day and offer to get a taxi to send her back home.
We highly recommend you meet her family as soon as possible. This one small (yet admittedly stressful action) will go a long way to allaying her fears about your intentions. This will demonstrate your respect for her culture and family. When meeting the family dress well and treat the father especially with respect. Never display too emotion in front of the family. Russian families are conservative and will frown upon this. Remember to follow the lead set by the father and if he offers you some wine or Vodka, please drink some it just a little. It is disrespectful to refuse alcohol. Try to sit not too close to your partner and never ever refuse food offered by the mother. Try just a little. More about meeting the family is available is another article.
In summary, the things to remember when meeting your lady for the first time are:
There is a big difference between women who have met foreign men before and those who have not. If this is her first meeting she will be very confused and you need to accommodate this.
Make her feel special by taking the time to dress well and prepare for the meeting.
Your entire appearance (clean shaven, hair) must show you care about the relationship.
Build the relationship on emotion by giving romantic gifts like flowers rather then expensive gifts like jewellery. True love is not defined by money.
You must try to make the setting as relaxed as possible by using the meeting as an opportunity to find out more about her.
Do not use the first meeting as an opportunity to discover how serious she is and if she will marry you. This is your first date and no one can form an opinion so quickly.
Do not make your decision by the first meeting. Take time….you will benefit from this.
Never ever follow the advice of many agencies and treat her differently from any other women. She will notice this and immediately dislike you
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